Honoring Loss

As I write this, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is slowly coming to an end.

The one month a year when the topic is in the public eye and in the forefront of our minds.

I was honestly on the fence about whether I would write this post at all.

I thought, “what does it have to do with my expertise and focus on the postpartum period?”

I wrote it off as not what folks would want to hear about and left it for someone else to tackle.


Then I got a clear sign that I needed to call bullshit on myself.


A friend reached out, letting me know she recently had a miscarriage.

She wrote about how similar her experience actually was to having given birth to her daughter a year earlier.

She described how she felt that same emotional fragility.

She shared how her mother came to stay with her and take care of her.

She described how she was transported back to that vulnerability of having just given birth and not quite being sure of what to do.

I realized I was full of crap in my rush to let “someone else” handle the topic.


I was just uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to write. I didn’t know what I should say.


I realized that in my many years in the field and and learning from some of the world’s experts in maternal mental health I had not been asked to address the topic a single time.

I had not even been asked to think about it.

And I’m not the only one.


We all face the challenge of living in a world where talking about miscarriage and loss is uncomfortable, so we let it go undiscussed.


I’d like to introduce you to a tool, developed by clinical psychologist, Dr. Jessica Zucker, that you can use this month, and year-round.

It’s a set of pregnancy loss cards.

Consider using one the next time you don’t know what to say.

The next time the topic arises and you’re feeling uncomfortable, have a look.


Join me, we can do so much better than silence.


I’m Deeply Sorry Card


Baby Loss/Stillborn Announcement


You Are Wonderful Card